Chapter 112: Let's Test for Sugar in the Urine

"The Urban Management Bureau didn't send anyone to enforce the law at the night market! He's a fraud, call the police!"

Chen Jianzhuo, who had been on the verge of lunging forward, was stunned by these words. This wasn't an official mission; he had only come because of his close relationship with Old Qiu, who had asked him to drive over and help his nephew "vent some frustration" by raiding the old woman's stall. In the eyes of the Urban Management, this was trivial—whether to raid a street vendor or not was usually just a matter of mood—so Chen had agreed without much thought. He never expected to run headfirst into a trap. He regretted letting Old Qiu wear that uniform; now, they had been caught red-handed! That single sentence had struck at their greatest weakness: Old Qiu wasn't with the Urban Management Bureau, and if he were accused of impersonating an officer, what could they do?

Before he could overthink it, someone in the crowd dialed 110. The caller, unsure of how to report it, asked Xiao Cheng, "I'm calling the police, should I say we've caught a fraud?"

Xiao Cheng, well-versed in the law, replied, "Tell them that someone is impersonating a state official to swindle people here at the Hongxing Night Market, and that one person has already been subdued!" He then glanced at Chen Jianzhuo and the other officer with a playful look, adding, "There are two more trying to run!"

"Catch them! They're accomplices, don't let them get away!"

This served as a reminder to the other two. They exchanged a look—time to run!

Although they were genuine urban management officers, they had deployed without authorization and slandered the vendor by claiming her syrup was poisonous. If things went south, they could be charged with misconduct; either way, they were in deep trouble. If they couldn't explain Old Qiu's situation, they wouldn't be able to clear their own names either. It was better to flee now! They could always use their connections to get him out later, which was far better than all of them getting trapped without anyone on the outside to spread the word.

Xiao Cheng was practically begging for them to run. If they didn't, the charge of impersonating an official wouldn't hold. Seeing the two idiots standing there blankly, Xiao Cheng had to prompt them. With his shout of "Don't let them get away," the two dunderheads finally snapped to, turned on their heels, and bolted!

It must be said, there were some truly public-spirited people in the crowd who intended to stop them. Seeing this, Xiao Cheng grew worried and quickly added, "Everyone be careful, that short, stout one might have a knife!"

Even the most public-spirited people have to consider their own safety. Beating up two unarmed frauds was something everyone would enjoy, but a knife-wielding criminal was a different story! The few who had been ready to intercept them scattered instantly, leaving a wide-open path through the crowd. Without once daring to look back, the two men scrambled into their enforcement vehicle and sped away.

By now, Grandma Wen had noticed Xiao Cheng, but he stopped her with a look. Qiu Zeyan, lying on the ground, was covered from head to toe in sugar, resembling a soot-covered Kitchen God. His mouth was sealed shut, leaving him unable to utter a sound. Held down by Xiao Cheng, one side of his face was caked in sand, making him look like Voldemort, while the other side was coated in a layer of hardened sugar that shimmered under the lights, making him look like a wax figure come to life.

Has anyone ever had chewing gum stuck in their hair? A tiny piece can be so agonizing that you'd rather shave your head. Imagine that suffering multiplied by a bucket of boiling syrup. Qiu Zeyan, unable to speak, could only let out muffled whimpers. Xiao Cheng chuckled inwardly; a wicked idea took hold.

The night market crowd, realizing there was a spectacle, gathered in growing numbers. Latecomers, confused by the scene, asked those in front what was happening. The rumors spread: three men had impersonated urban management officers to seize the old woman's equipment, only to be exposed by a young man; two had fled upon hearing the word "police."

A neighboring merchant, speaking from experience, curled his lip and commented, "That's right! I've been setting up my stall here for over two years. The tax bureau comes by occasionally, but the urban management has never once shown their faces. The county government said they wanted to encourage self-employment and support the night market economy! They were definitely frauds!"

Even if the crowd couldn't figure out why someone would impersonate an official to rob an old woman, the fact that the two men had fled was proof enough! If you weren't guilty, why run just because someone mentioned the police? Now, everyone felt sympathy for the old woman. They stayed, wanting to see how the police would handle it.

Xiao Cheng, still pinning Qiu Zeyan down, addressed the crowd: "Does anyone have bottled water? This guy's head is coated in sugar—it's in his nose and mouth, clogging everything up. He's whimpering, which means he might be struggling to breathe. We can't let him suffocate; being a fraud isn't a capital crime. Can someone use some water to rinse him off?"

A kind-hearted girl handed over a half-empty bottle of water. By now, the sugar had solidified into a hard shell, and the half-bottle was useless. It was easy to imagine: a single candied hawthorn is only dipped in syrup for a second, yet Qiu Zeyan had dunked his entire head into a bucket. He had consumed half the bucket, and if not for the fact that he could still breathe through his mouth, he would have either been scalded to death or suffocated.

The hardened sugar had frozen his facial expressions. His mouth had been burned by the hot syrup, and with the sugar now solid, even opening his mouth was a struggle. Qiu Zeyan couldn't say a word, only emitting muffled groans that were likely curses.

"Bottled water isn't enough. Does anyone have warm water? Sugar dissolves much faster in warm water!" This was basic middle-school chemistry—the solubility of sugar increases with temperature.

On a hot summer night, everyone was craving cold drinks; who would have hot water? And nobody dared to pour boiling water from a thermos onto someone's head. Xiao Cheng continued to guide them: "Water close to body temperature is best; it can't be too hot!"

A clever person in the crowd piped up, "It needs to be close to body temperature—would urine work?"

Xiao Cheng was laughing so hard internally that he nearly lost his breath, but he kept a straight face. "Exactly! Urine is at body temperature. Don't just stand there, everyone! Whoever can do it, hurry up and save him!"

With so many people on the street, no one was eager to drop their pants in public. Seeing the hesitation, Xiao Cheng urged them on: "Urine might be a bit dirty, but it's not poisonous; it won't kill him. Don't just watch—saving a life is the priority. He's covered in hot sugar; if he suffocates, that's bad. Even if he's a criminal, we have to follow humanitarian principles, right? Ladies, move back a bit; men, step forward. Form a circle! Quick! Urinate and save him!"

Some of the more straightforward men in the crowd, believing that saving a life earns more merit than building a seven-story pagoda, pushed their girlfriends aside and reached for their belts. Others, embarrassed to do it themselves, pushed their children forward. The children, eager to help, began to let fly, drenching Qiu Zeyan's face in "boy's urine." He couldn't open his eyes, but he could hear everything. He tried to struggle, but his hands were pinned firmly. Though he was covered in urine, the sugar did indeed begin to melt.

"It's not enough! Come on, everyone, keep it coming!"

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Actually, I, Old Dao, can be quite insidious too...