Chapter 113: Impulse Is the Devil

In the night market, there were stalls selling CDs—music, movies, everything. At one such stall, a VCD player powered by a battery was playing an old song by Li Lingyu at a loud volume, audible from afar.

“Spring water tinkling, spring water tinkling, spring water tinkling…”

This song was quite the diuretic…

In Brussels, Belgium, stands a bronze statue over half a meter tall known as the “Manneken Pis.” Legend has it that when ancient Spanish invaders were retreating from Brussels, they planted explosives to destroy the city. Fortunately, a little boy urinated on the fuse, extinguishing it and saving the entire city. That peeing boy became world-famous and a symbol of Belgium.

Now, a similar scene of “urine saving the day” was unfolding at the night market. Everyone involved in the rescue felt gratified; warm liquid poured over the head of the suspect carried both the weight of punishment and a humanitarian spirit aimed at healing. The hardened sugar dissolved visibly fast. Though the man struggled continuously, bitter medicine was unavoidable…

Some even worried that consuming so much sugar might lead to diabetes…

But strength lies in numbers. One bladder might not hold much, but united, their power was unstoppable! The large candied hawthorn stuck to Qiu Zeyan’s head was finally washed away by everyone’s urine, revealing his true face.

“Damn all of you! Damn every one of your ancestors!”

As soon as Qiu Zeyan could speak, the first words out of his mouth were curses! No wonder—who could endure such humiliation? People lined up on the street to urinate on his head, deliberately drenching his face, melting the entire sugary coating! Held down on the ground, he no longer cared about the disgust. If given a knife at this moment, he might well have killed someone.

Xiao Cheng pondered for a moment—maybe he should just give him a knife?

“What’s wrong with this guy?”

“Good intentions taken for donkey’s liver and lungs!”

“We shouldn’t have saved him! He should’ve been left to roast!”

This young man had truly provoked the crowd’s wrath. Those who had bravely exposed themselves to help were now fed up. “Eating all that sugar, why isn’t his mouth sweet at all? Young man, hold him down; I’ll give him another splash to rinse his mouth!”

Though Qiu Zeyan was on the ground and could speak, his eyes still wouldn’t open. The crowd, out of kindness, worried he might suffocate, so they all aimed for his mouth—even though eyes don’t breathe, they overlooked that fact.

Among the crowd was a young woman with a strong sense of justice who couldn’t bear hearing curses. She stomped her high heels on the back of his thigh. “That’s what you get for a foul mouth! That’s what you get!”

By now Qiu Zeyan was losing his mind. He was just skinny and weak, completely immobilized by Xiao Cheng’s grip. If he got up, he would surely fight to the death!

In the midst of the chaos, police sirens sounded from afar. The crowd was too dense for the patrol cars to enter, so the vehicles stopped at the road’s entrance. Soon, four officers parted the crowd and approached.

Everyone quickly made way, forming a narrow path for the police. Xiao Cheng, seeing the officers arrive, feigned distraction and let the suspect slip free. He leaned back against an elderly woman’s tricycle and casually tossed a small knife used for cutting hawthorn pits nearby.

Qiu Zeyan had initially been trapped with a bucket over his head, covered in sticky, hot syrup. He’d been too busy struggling to notice what was happening. When Xiao Cheng kicked him, he thought it was just a fight and awaited rescue from his comrade Chen Jianzhuo. His eyes wouldn’t open, his ears were muffled, and amid the shouting he couldn’t make sense of anything. Until now, he didn’t even realize he was a suspect caught for “fraudulent deception” by the crowd—he thought he’d simply been attacked by city enforcers’ enemies and avengers.

Lying on the ground, his face aching, suddenly a bottle of cool mineral water poured over him, refreshing and soothing. Then came a warm flow, invisible and inaudible, but he felt the gentle warmth washing over his face. The sugar slowly melted away. At last, the lump in his mouth dissolved; his tongue tasted sweetness—but with a strange, foul undertone. Ptooey—it was urine!

Old Qiu’s hatred boiled over. This gang not only subdued him but urinated on his face! A man may be killed, but not humiliated. And this stream of urine was far too much.

“Damn all of you! Damn every one of your ancestors!”

Kicked twice more, he suddenly felt the hands gripping him loosen. Wiping his face, he barely opened his eyes and saw a short knife right in front of him. He grabbed it and looked up to find four police officers standing there.

Before he could react, another kick struck his lower back. Qiu Zeyan stumbled forward and collided with Officer Han Deming, who had just arrived on the scene. Seeing the armed attacker rushing at him, Officer Han steadied himself, grabbed the suspect’s wrist holding the knife, stepped in close, twisted his waist, and executed a textbook judo throw, pinning Qiu Zeyan to the ground. With the wrist controlled and the knife dropped, Han pressed his knee against the man’s back, produced handcuffs from his belt, and cuffed him. The crowd erupted in cheers for the flawless arrest.

How come today’s capture went so smoothly?

Proudly supported by the crowd, Officer Han stood tall, his back straight. He ordered nearby officers to escort the suspect onto the police car before asking the crowd, “Is this the fraud suspect you reported?”

Voices buzzed in agreement. Not only was the fraud confirmed, but an additional charge of armed assault on police was added.

Officer Han hadn’t felt this powerful in a long time, but then he sniffed and frowned. “Why does it smell so foul?”

From the crowd, Xiao Cheng hid in the back and replied, “Because he got pissed on…”

Indeed, he had been urinated upon, but no one took credit. The crowd was too noble to claim credit for a good deed.

Han Deming frowned. These days, all kinds of strange people existed—someone who could pee all over his own face was truly a rarity.

“Who called the police just now?”

A bystander raised a hand. “That was me!”

“What exactly happened?”

Still caught up in the excitement of subduing an armed suspect in public, the explanation was all over the place.

“Well, I was strolling through the night market and heard these candied hawthorns were quite special. I was about to buy a skewer when three city enforcers showed up—not real ones, but fake! We thought they were legit at first. These three were unreasonable, ignoring everyone else and going straight to the elderly woman selling the candied hawthorns. They claimed she had added carcinogens to the candy!”

Others chimed in, “Yeah, we later realized that even if the candy was unsafe, it was up to the industry or food safety authorities—not the city enforcers—to handle it!”

“They made it sound so convincing, we couldn’t tell truth from lies. The old lady was very wronged. We just watched as these three scammers bullied her and tried to get physical…”

“Physical? They already did! I saw it with my own eyes!”

“They were about to hit the old lady, but the knife-wielding guy slipped and fell, landing face-first into the sugary syrup of the candied hawthorns. Then the young man realized they were fakes and rushed to pin the knifeman down. The other two probably had knives too but fled when things went south. They caught the one guy—wait, where’s the brave young man?”

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