Chapter 117: Helpless Resentment

The grudge left by the previous generation five years ago had always been an unresolved mess. It wasn’t until today that three of the four families finally began to make sense of it. Reason told Wen Xiaocheng that no matter what, he needed to clarify things with Ding Sina.

Taking a deep breath, Xiaocheng turned to face the girl and said seriously, “Ding Sina, let’s just forget it. I think we should be honest with each other. I know that when you talk about this love game, about surrendering, it’s just so I can be your shield. Now that the issue with Lei Yang is settled, you don’t have to do this anymore.”

“You already know?” Ding Sina shrank her neck but still admitted openly.

The girl hesitated, then explained, “At first, I really did think that way. A fragile girl like me being targeted by Lei Yang—what could I do? Should I really sleep with him?” She seemed aggrieved as she spoke. “You must think I’m easy, but I’m not. I’ve never been with a man…”

Xiaocheng felt awkward and wisely chose to remain silent.

The girl continued, “It’s not entirely your fault. People usually see me that way, but which girl doesn’t want to be treated like a princess? Do you think I want to dress like a little delinquent? But only by doing so could I avoid being bullied. Because Lei Yang was my backing, no one at school dared to mess with me. But now Lei Yang’s turned around and is forcing me to be his girlfriend. I really… don’t have any other way…”

“You’re the only one in the whole school who can stand up to Lei Yang. If I don’t come to you, then who else?” Xiaocheng said with a bitter smile in his heart. This girl was really playing the game of two tigers fighting quite skillfully. Even though he knew it was a trap, he was willing to jump right in.

“For you, the best outcome is for Lei Yang to stab me. I get hurt, Lei Yang goes to jail for intentional injury, and we both lose. You get through your crisis safely and get your revenge, right?”

Originally, Xiaocheng wanted to calmly lay everything out with Ding Sina. But when he thought about that knife plunging into innocent Lv Qi, his tone involuntarily sharpened.

The girl looked a little scared, biting her lip, seeming very wronged. After a long pause, she mustered courage to say, “You’re right, but it’s not exactly the way you imagine.”

“Hm?”

“If… if you really took a knife for me, then I could stop hating you.”

Xiaocheng became somewhat emotional and frowned. “Ding Sina, it’s true that five years ago my father crippled your father, but there was a reason. Your father barged into my house swinging a stick! It’s true your father ended up disabled for life, but my father also got twenty years in prison! You hate me? Why?”

At this, Ding Sina’s eyes reddened. Her lips trembled as she said, “Five years ago, I didn’t know who was right or wrong. I only knew he was crippled. At school, someone told me, ‘Look! That’s your family’s enemy. Your dad’s leg was cut by his dad.’ What could I do? I only knew I had to hate you…”

Sometimes, hate can feel so helpless.

When everyone believes you should hate someone, you have no choice but to hate.

Outside the window, the night wind rustled the poplar leaves by the roadside. The car had entered Dongfeng Town, and far away, the murky moonlight reflected on the waters of Siyuan River.

…

Love is instinctive; hate is not.

Every time Ding Sina bullied Wen Xiaocheng alongside Qiu Hui and Zhang Peiyue, she felt conflicted. Life had cast her as the big sister of the school, and a big sister couldn’t show weakness. That’s why every kick had to be hard enough, every slap loud enough—after all, he was truly an enemy of her family.

But she knew Xiaocheng was innocent and pitiful.

Perhaps even more pitiful than herself.

Should she hate him? Maybe he was innocent, but grievances need an outlet. Maybe dating was a good idea—to either dissolve hatred with love or to hurt each other with love and seek revenge.

But if love was a war, Ding Sina no longer felt as confident as before.

“You’ve changed… you’ve become strong. You know what to do, right? I don’t want to hate you, but I don’t know what to do anymore…”

Courage in life sometimes needs to be sustained by hate, not hope.

Xiaocheng gazed out the window, lost in thought. Emotion, reason, law—layered one upon another. From the legal perspective, his father had stabbed someone and gone to prison; that chapter was closed. From a rational standpoint, no injustice seemed done, since Ding Sina’s father was in the wrong first. But when it came to feelings…

What had Ding Sina done to deserve this? What had he done?

A little girl who should have had a carefree childhood saw all her happiness vanish because of one knife. Should she hate? Who should she hate?

Ding Sina’s debt was easy to calculate, but how to unravel her hatred?

I don’t want to hate you, but I can’t not hate you.

The wind outside picked up, blowing the girl’s hair into the air. Xiaocheng leaned forward and closed the car window. Against the backdrop of the dark night, his shadow was cast on the glass.

The shadow smiled slyly at him.

“Got a problem? Come to me!”

Wen Xiaodao.

Would a more mature and composed version of himself be able to solve this dilemma?

“Zhang Weihai is dead. Though he didn’t deserve death, he brought it on himself. He must bear his own fault, so no complaints there. Lv Songyan got stabbed; our Wen family is at fault. But we paid compensation and apologized, and indirectly saved Lv Qi’s life today, so the debt is repaid. The Qiu family opposes us with father and son alike. I’m never afraid of enemies. If they want to play, I’ll play to the end. Ding Sina’s father’s disability is mostly his own fault, so we just pay compensation and needn’t feel guilty.”

“But… Ding Sina is innocent!”

A family upheaval had shattered a child’s life. The hardships Ding Sina had suffered over the years were obvious without saying. How could they ever repay that debt?

Wen Xiaodao said, “Do you think you owe her?”

“Isn’t that so?”

“Brother, remember your self-reflection? No one is perfect and can satisfy everyone. Don’t hold yourself to the impossible standard of pleasing everyone! Even if you owe her, the creditor’s not hurrying. Why should you be anxious? Wait until she comes to collect the debt. If she says pay this much, we pay. If she says she wants that, we give it. Isn’t that simple?”

“Or… let’s just date!” At this critical moment, Ding Sina suddenly said.

…

“Heh, I’m joking.” Seeing Xiaocheng’s wide-eyed silence, she quickly took back the words.

Jumping into love at the drop of a hat—this girl really had a fiery temper.

To hate, one must remember. But if you remember someone without hating decisively, that attention easily turns sour. And if the hated person happens to be outstanding…

Falling in love with him means hating yourself for being weak.

——————

When everyone believes you should hate, you have no choice but to hate. Otherwise, they’d hate you. The three hundred thousand victims of the Nanjing Massacre—our hatred of militarism is justified, our vigilance against right-wing forces is justified. But to hate all Japanese nationals is wrong.