Chapter 23: This Generation of Roommates Leaves Much to Be Desired

“Whew, finally done tidying up. I’m exhausted. If I’d known there’d be this much to organize, I wouldn’t have let Dad leave so early.” Chen Fan gazed with satisfaction at his handiwork. His once bare desk was now filled to capacity—there were plenty of things, but everything was arranged neatly. He’d even left a whole row of shelves empty for books.

“Oh right, I still need to go to the mall to buy a fan.” He slipped his set of Werewolf cards into the drawer, keeping the Elder card on his person.

Aside from the permanent stalls, there were also plenty of pop-up booths selling supplies for new students during the start of term. Judging by their faces, they didn’t seem much older than him—probably senior students from his own university.

After comparing several sellers, Chen Fan managed to snag his ideal fan at a relatively low price. He didn’t hurry back to his dorm; instead, he carried the fan straight to the canteen.

To make things easier for new students, Abyssal Fish University had preloaded 200 yuan onto each campus card, though it would all have to be repaid later.

The canteen wasn’t much different from his high school’s, nothing that particularly surprised him, not even the dishes—they all seemed oddly familiar.

“Are all the canteens in the country part of some chain? I’ve had at least ninety percent of these dishes back in high school.” Chen Fan mused, losing his appetite; he’d long grown tired of high school cafeteria food—so much so that he’d spent half his final semester eating off campus.

“This pineapple chicken looks pretty good, but there’s hardly any chicken—just pineapple. Not worth the price.”

“The beef brisket with bean curd sticks seems tempting, but scoop it up and there’s barely any meat. Any two random meat dishes would be a better deal. Forget it.”

“The salt-baked chicken is almost gone, must be popular, but look—both meat trays beside it have already been replaced for the third time, while the salt-baked chicken tray is still on its first batch.”

The earlier remarks and these current ones were all Chen Fan’s own commentary.

In the end, he went with a bowl of spicy hotpot—without the spice, of course.

“There’s nothing more thrilling than the legendary six-yuan meal. Now all I need is a girlfriend.” Chen Fan fanned away the steam and ate with relish.

Back at the dorm, he encountered a brown-haired guy pacing at the door—likely a roommate.

He wore clothes Chen Fan didn’t recognize, but he did notice the suitcase was Hermès. Pity the face didn’t quite match; the overall impression was just trendy.

“Didn’t you go downstairs to get your key?” Chen Fan stepped closer and pulled his own key out to unlock the door.

“I thought everything was all set, so I’ve been waiting here for over ten minutes.” The other boy laughed heartily, flashing a row of white teeth, but for some reason, Chen Fan couldn’t feel at ease around him.

“I’m Chen Fan, nice to meet you.” Chen Fan introduced himself politely.

“I’m Wei Youlong, a local here in Abyssal Fish City. Pleasure to meet you.” The tone was a bit odd. Chen Fan turned on the lights and pointed to a bed, saying, “Yours is in the corner. Mine’s diagonally across from you.”

“Really? Thanks.” Wei Youlong squeezed inside and lightly bumped Chen Fan’s shoulder.

“Well, we’ll be living together for four years. As long as there’s nothing major, it’s fine.” Chen Fan wasn’t particularly picky, though his first impression of this guy wasn’t great.

“Whew, I’m beat. Time for some music to relax.” Instead of unpacking, Wei Youlong took out his computer and hooked it up to speakers.

“Boom-chaka-shaka-la, boom-chaka-shaka-la.” With deafening noise, Wei Youlong started dancing like a nightclub DJ.

Chen Fan preferred peace and quiet. Plugging his ears, he suggested, “Can you keep it down? If it gets too loud at night, someone’s bound to complain.”

Wei Youlong waved his hand dismissively. “Who cares? Let them try and complain—I’ll make them regret it. I always do this at home, and no one ever stops me.”

In a fleeting glance, Chen Fan noticed a gold ring on Wei Youlong’s right index finger, engraved with a five-character couplet: Qingping, Ruyu, Lu, Xiyue, Wanyi, Yan.

“It sounds fluent, but is that even a poem? And those characters look odd.” Curiously, Chen Fan pointed at the ring. “Where’s the poem on your ring from? Does it mean anything?”

“Yo-yo-yo!” In high spirits, Wei Youlong stopped his awkward dancing and proudly declared, “That’s not a poem—I engraved it myself. Every time a girlfriend breaks up with me, I carve the last character of her name onto the ring, as a way of remembering them.”

“Oh, I see.” Chen Fan plugged his ears again and did a quick mental tally—this guy had already dated ten girls.

“Girls these days are all fickle. At school, whenever they see a handsome guy, they just can’t help glancing over. Can’t hold their hearts. I’ll leave it to fate—maybe I’ll meet the right one in college.”

“With your luck, it’s a miracle you managed to find so many girlfriends.” Chen Fan grumbled inwardly.

Wei Youlong switched to a heartbreak ballad, “Can’t Afford to Love,” and launched into an emotional, if off-key, solo performance.

Unable to stand his roommate’s tuneless enthusiasm, Chen Fan escaped the dorm.

“Elder, is there a card that can change someone?” Chen Fan leaned against the wall, speaking earnestly.

The Elder regarded his serious expression and replied coolly, “No. If there were such a card, the first thing I’d do is turn my host into a pretty girl—preferably one with natural fragrance.”

“Get lost.” Chen Fan threw the card to the floor, then realized his mistake and quickly picked it up.

“I suggest you go take a shower,” the Elder said, crossing his legs.

“Why?” Chen Fan looked wary.

The Elder’s eyes widened mischievously. “In three minutes, you’ll spontaneously combust. A shower might save you—preferably a cold one.”

“No, please, Elder! I was wrong!” Chen Fan didn’t dare delay; pleading for mercy, he grabbed a towel and hurried into the bathroom.

“That’s more like it. A young man who knows his faults and can change is destined for greatness.” The Elder card smiled kindly as Chen Fan doused himself with cold water again and again.

...

Night fell. Two tardy roommates arrived, slinging woven bags over their shoulders and kicking open the dorm door.

“Sorry, the train was late. We went to high school together in the same county, even shared bunk beds. Who would’ve thought we’d be college roommates too? I’m Lai Guangyi.”

“I’m Xu Changhui. Why are you the only one here? Where’s the other roommate?”

Wei Youlong replied, “No idea. He was here just now—don’t know where he’s run off to.”

At that moment, Chen Fan was squatting in the bathroom, groaning in pain, his legs numb.

Pale-faced, he pleaded, “Elder, just let me combust—heck, let me explode on the spot. Anything is better than this misery.”

Pinching his nose, the Elder soothed him, “This has nothing to do with me. You’re the one who ate random things. Hang in there—survive this ordeal, and you’ll ascend to immortality.”

“Oh, come on… Ah, here it comes… and now it’s gone again… Can’t you just let it be over quickly!”